


Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby

by goflecks



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Also clearly I can’t stick to writing one pairing jack of all trades if you will, Basically Nick doing what he should’ve done in the first place, Fluff, Getting Together, I’ll add more tags for part 2, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Seriously Nick you really dropped the ball on that one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goflecks/pseuds/goflecks
Summary: “I- I don’t know,” Nick replies, his eyes still locked on Troy’s. “I mean I love you.  I like being around you, you- you make me feel like myself.  That’s what love is, right?”Or: the one where Nick realizes he doesn’t wanna live without Troy, and decides he’s not going to.
Relationships: Nick Clark/Troy Otto
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby

“You took everything from me.”

Nick’s eyes flicker quickly between his mom and Troy. This is getting out of hand. It was out of hand the moment his mom had reacted with anger, instead of the more characteristic understanding he had expected. She was always the first to understand Troy, or at least, the first to feign understanding. This time it’s different.

Nick has been doing everything within his power to protect Troy from...well, from himself. From the consequences of his own stupid, misguided actions. Everyone else thinks he’s crazy, irrational, but Nick understands the stuff that he does. It all makes sense in Troy’s head in some way or another. His actions don’t totally come out of left field, and honestly, if anyone would take just a fucking second to get to know him, to pay attention to him, they almost become predictable. Or at the very least unsurprising. 

Troy led the horde to the ranch because he felt that the land, his _home_ , had become the one thing his father had always sworn it shouldn’t. He didn’t do it to prove a point, or to destroy everything. In his mind, he was _saving_ the ranch, saving it from what he’d been conditioned to believe was the worst case scenario. 

He was wrong, and what he did was wrong. Obviously. But it made sense. If you dug your way into Troy’s poisoned brain it absolutely made sense. Should’ve been anticipated even. 

And Nick thought that his mom of all people would see it the way that he saw it. Even if she didn’t like it, she would get it, and she would move on from it.

But maybe Troy just isn’t useful to her anymore, and that’s bad.

People don’t like to listen to Nick either. They think he’s reckless, impulsive, easily manipulated. Some insist he’s just fucking fried from all the dope. And he can’t seem to get anyone to understand that he just _gets it,_ he realizes that his time on this Earth is relatively short and that he can’t spend his whole life being afraid of consequences. He gets that acting quickly can save your ass, and has saved his an abundance of times. He gets that a million different people have a million different perspectives and if you listen, if you just sit down and shut up and _listen_ , you’ll understand. You’ll understand almost anyone. 

He understands his mom, too. He understands her anger, he understands that she feels robbed, betrayed, that even she didn’t think Troy would self-destruct this hard. But something about this interaction isn’t sitting right with him, and everything in his head is screaming ‘Do something!’ 

So he does, because there’s no time. They can’t sit here and do this all day.

“What about what you took from him?” he chimes in, Madison’s attention snapping to him as he takes a step closer towards the squabble. “Huh? Wasn’t that your plan, _Mom_ , to take everything from him?”

Before, her expression was one of shock, of disappointment and disbelief. Now, he watches as it turns angry, as his mother realizes that he’s choosing a side.

He always takes her side. Always has. 

“You keep playing this game with him,” Nick continues lowly, taking another step forward and grasping the back of her hand, lowering the hammer that had been slowly rising and rising during their dispute. And he realizes he’s not just intervening, he’s mad. He knows she can tell that he’s mad and she looks taken aback, like she never expected this from him. She never expects anything she doesn’t like from Nick. She acts like he’s supposed to be perfect, as if he’s ever been close. “You wanna play mommy, act like he’s part of our little family and love him and tell him everything’s okay and then- and then the moment it doesn’t fucking benefit you anymore suddenly it’s a problem. Right?” 

“This has gotten out of hand, Nick,” Madison reasons, talking through her teeth as if Troy isn’t footsteps away and he won’t be able to hear her. 

“So what? What are you gonna do mom? You’re gonna hit him with that hammer?”

She glances down at the weapon in her hand, then at Troy, and back to Nick. “We have to put an end to this.”

Nick laughs incredulously, throwing his head back as if it’s genuine. 

“Or what, Mom? What?” he presses, his voice raising. “What’s he gonna do that he hasn’t already? It’s all _gone_.” 

“And whose fault is that?” Madison shouts back, louder, like her volume can convince him. _“He_ did this! He’s dangerous!”

She points at the man in question with the hammer as she yells, waving it through the air, and Nick pushes past her without even thinking, his body creating a barrier between her and Troy. 

“He’s my _friend_ ,” Nick says, and his tone is lower again, because that’s it. This isn’t up for debate, and he doesn’t think that his mom is even listening anymore. It’s personal now. That ranch that she wanted for her own, _Troy_ took it, and now she has someone to hate. Someone that everybody already hates. It’s easy. 

“You go do whatever you want,” he continues, putting a hand on Troy’s (who isn’t making a sound, just standing idly, watching) shoulder as if his touch will extend more protection. “Don’t help him. Get yourself and whoever else out of here, I don’t care. But just leave him alone. It’s over.” 

“I’m not leaving without you Nick-” she starts. 

“I’m staying with him,” Nick cuts her off, pulling Troy closer to his side possessively. “We’re going.”

Madison stares at him quizzically, like she didn’t expect this. Of course she didn’t expect this. How would she? She knew that they hung around each other, knew that they were buddies, but she didn’t _see_ it. She wasn’t there at El Bazar when Nick sucked Troy into his world, when they made that last connection that bonded them together for real. She wasn’t there when Troy embraced him amidst the sea of infected, the two of them the only thing living among death. So close to it themselves that they blended right in. 

They’ve both always been so close to death, and yet it won’t grip them, won’t close the gap. They’re living on a different plane of existence and he realizes that now, realizes what Troy saw in him from the moment he came to the ranch. He saw himself; the state of limbo he had always lived in, and he knew Nick was there too. He sees it now. Sees that he and Troy have never had anything to lose, and now...that bond is the thing holding him together. 

“I’m not gonna lose you again,” Madison protests softly. She doesn’t even sound like she believes herself. It’s what she always says right when she’s about to, right when she’s pushed Nick away for the hundredth time. It hasn’t always been her fault, he’ll admit that. He hasn’t always thought about her feelings. But this time, it is. 

“Come on,” Nick commands sternly, eyes still locked with his mother’s as he ushers a still silent, perhaps surprised Troy past her and back towards the exit.

He can tell when they emerge that Troy wants to say something, but he brings a finger to his lips to demand his silence, and for once, he does as he’s told. Not that he doesn’t usually listen to Nick. He seems to trust his judgement almost as much as he trusts his own, even when he’s not thinking at all. Even when no one else could possibly convince him of anything.

They duck through the endless hallways silently, pacing themselves as fast as they can with Nick leading him away, as far as he can from where he’d left Daniel. He knows Daniel is only one of their worries, but anyone else, he trusts Troy can deal with. He has a sense of protection when he’s with him. Troy’s a survivor. Troy keeps the people he loves safe at all costs. Maybe ‘love’ is a strong word for what he feels for Nick but he’s made it clear he’s willing to fight for him. And Nick’s happy with whatever that is.

But right now it’s Nick’s turn to fight for Troy.

He looks both ways when they reach the end of the hallway, listening for a moment before grabbing the other by the crook of his arm and dragging him around the corner. “If we’re lucky we can sneak out the back while everybody’s busy freaking out,” he explains softly, dragging Troy along as if he’ll get lost if he lets go. 

“And then what?” 

“Haven’t gotten that far,” Nick replies, peering around the next corner.

But it turns out to be fairly uncomplicated.

Nick is able to drag Troy through the halls with little incident and they both slip out a side exit, emerging into the light and making a break for it. They don’t go back for their car, as tempting as it is (and insistent as Troy is that he can take anybody who spots them). They just go, straight down the nearest dirt road, putting all the distance they can between themselves and the dam. It’s freeing, really — not having any particular destination. They’re just running. Running away from the memories of the places they once were and the things that they’ve done and the choices they’ve made. No one will know those things now. Only the two of them.

Nick likes the thought of that. It’s like a do-over, a complete rebirth of who they both are. They can be whoever they want to be now and it will become their new version of reality.

He realizes when he entertains that thought that he doesn’t plan on ever going back to his mom. Not because she did anything irredeemable, or burned any bridges for the last time, but because he’s spent all this time following her around as if she didn’t hold him back. She still wants everything to be normal, wants to settle down and hide away and act as if the world is still intact. Her intentions are good, and it’s only a natural desire. But Nick doesn’t want that for the rest of his life; running from one place to the next, playing house for a while until things inevitably fall apart and doing it all over again. It’s already been a miserable existence, far more miserable than just embracing the new normal.

He doesn’t want to hide out and build a home and watch the days pass by. He wants to feel _alive_ , and when he’s with Troy he never feels like he has to subdue that. He can be as reckless as he wants to be, he can do whatever it takes to give him that surge of adrenaline that breathes life into him. He doesn’t have to just exist. He can be free.

Freer than he ever was in the world before.

It’s Troy that breaks their silence first, when their pace has slowed and the dam is nothing but a silhouette in the distance. He’s a couple of steps behind Nick as if allowing him to lead the way, but he’s been able to hear his footsteps as reassurance that he’s still there.

“I’m jealous.” 

“Of what?” Nick questions, turning back to look at him. 

“I never stood up to my mom.” 

“Yeah,” Nick turns back around, staring off into the blue expanse of sky. “Me neither. That was a first.” 

Maybe not a _first_ , but it was a rare occurrence. Nick spent most of his life regarding his mom as all-seeing and all-knowing. It wasn’t until his dad died that he realized she was just human like everyone else; that she makes mistakes too, and that sometimes, she’s completely wrong. Even then, he kept his mouth shut when she fucked up, and just took to running off before ever saying a word. He knows now that was way worse than speaking his mind, but he’s not sure he had any idea at the time.

“Why’d you do it?” Troy asks after a moment, squinting into the sun as they walk.

Nick doesn’t miss a beat. “Because I was sick of seeing her treat you like that. She- she’s... I could see what she was doing to you. She was manipulating you, Troy.” 

She was always like that. Maybe she didn’t mean to be. But it was always about how _she_ felt. When Nick started getting bad...really bad, it always came back to how it was making her feel. Like somehow if she made him guilty enough his addiction would just disappear. Then she became commandeering, trying to control everything he did and everyone he saw so he had no choice. And then she just gave up. 

He saw that today, when she found out what Troy had done. She gave up. He wasn’t worth the fight anymore. 

That’s when his mom is truly the scariest. When she doesn’t care anymore.

“I thought she actually cared,” Troy muses, and he sounds lighthearted, like ‘silly me’, but Nick can sense an undertone of disappointment in his voice. Troy _needed_ someone to actually care about him and Madison was just another person who didn’t. Another person who let him down.

“I know,” Nick says, stuffing his hands into his pockets and trying to swallow the anger resurfacing from the encounter. “She’s good at that.”

They go quiet again for a moment, the only sound between them being their shoes pounding against the dirt. Nick is so focused on moving straight ahead that when Troy grabs him by the sleeve and whips him around, he yelps in surprise, hands raising helplessly as two strong palms grip his face. When he gets his bearings and figures out what’s happening, Troy’s staring intensely into his eyes, studying them. As if there might be something in them that he doesn’t know. 

“You actually care about me, right?” 

“Of course I do Troy, Jesus—” 

“Don’t lie to me!” 

He jumps at the sound, but he’s just startled, not surprised. Nick knows this is a part of Troy and it doesn’t scare him anymore. Maybe any rational person should have a healthy fear of Troy, but fear isn’t something that Nick feels much anymore. When Troy’s hurt, or afraid, he tries to intimidate his way out of it. It’s a shield that goes up so he doesn’t have to be vulnerable, so he there’s not any room for weakness. It’s his defense mechanism. He’s not really angry, he’s not really gonna do anything. He’s _scared_. Scared that despite all the things Nick has done to prove otherwise, he’s just another person that doesn’t mean it. 

“I love you,” Nick blurts out, and he’s almost as surprised by it as Troy immediately looks. He knows it’s true as soon as he says it. The words don’t feel forced or foreign in his mouth as if he’s struggling to say them. He’s struggled to say them before, when he knew he didn’t mean it. And now he means it. He doesn’t even have to question it.

“What do you mean?” Troy asks, and his hands aren’t gripping Nick’s face so firmly anymore, like his guard is going down, like he doesn’t need to be so strong. 

“I- I don’t know,” Nick replies, his eyes still locked on Troy’s. “I mean I love you. I like being around you, you- you make me feel like myself. That’s what love is, right?” 

“Is it?” Troy asks, and he doesn’t sound like he’s challenging him, he sounds like he really doesn’t know. Like he has no idea what it’s supposed to feel like to love someone. 

“Yeah. It is, man.”

Troy lets go of his face now, but he doesn’t step back. They’re almost chest-to-chest, just staring at each other in the beating sun. 

“This is the part where you say it back,” Nick says jokingly, because he’s pretty sure if he doesn’t say something that Troy will just stand here and stare at him forever. 

He’s never experienced this, he realizes. Nobody has ever just...told Troy that they care about him. Or that they like his company. He’s spent his life starving for it and begging for everyone’s approval and never getting it and Nick can finally see it now; the vulnerability.   
He suddenly looks so small, even though he’s the bigger of the two of them. 

But he doesn’t say it back. Instead he closes the space between them and pulls Nick into a tight hug, grasping the back of his shirt in his hands. Nick reciprocates immediately, wrapping his arms around him. 

This isn’t necessarily anything new. Troy has always been...touchy, like no one ever taught him how not to invade people’s personal space. He supposes it’s the one part of Troy that wasn’t stolen from him as he grew up, his last method of expressing himself and the one he remained clinging to. But this feels different, like there’s more emotion behind it. It was always something that Troy did without thinking and this time it’s deliberate. It’s his way of telling Nick that he feels the same. 

He knows love comes in a million different forms. He honestly isn’t sure what kind of love he feels yet. But they have time to figure that out, on their own, away from everyone else and all the noise of the rest of the world. Just him and Troy. All he knows right now is that he’s not letting this go. It’s been so long since he’s _felt_ something like this, since he’s looked at someone and felt like they gave him a purpose. 

And if that’s all he’s sure of, he decides as he presses his face into Troy’s neck, then that’s enough for now.


End file.
